i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
