Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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