she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
