My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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