Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
