Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
