You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
