This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
