i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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