Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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