I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
