You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
