Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
