it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
