@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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