I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize