Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
