NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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