Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
