Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
