This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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