I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
