I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
