Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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