You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
