If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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