I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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