Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize