so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this is an emotional support booty call
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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