Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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