he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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