you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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