As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
