You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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