I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
