my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
