Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Randomize
