I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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