I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
pray to the hookup gods
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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