did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
