You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
