I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize