Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize