at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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