Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize