I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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