I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize