i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
