If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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