Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
