We won't sleep together?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
