I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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