What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
