On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
