The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
