You made me cry and you don't even care
So drunk its hurt
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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