that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
can u get pink eye on your cock?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
