your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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