Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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