found the other keg... it's in the tree
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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