hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
