That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
