so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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