Screwed.edu
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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