Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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