So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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