two words...techno handjob
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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