We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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